Let’s Talk Vaginismus…
Painful Sex?
We promise, you’re not broken!
How many times have you been told:
“just relax”
“drink a glass of wine”
“take a bath”
“you’ll grow out of it”
“you just have to get used to it.”
If you’ve heard these phrases, we’re here to set the record straight: You’re not crazy and you’re not alone!
That stinging, burning, “hitting a wall” sensation during sex is NOT just in your head, and you don’t have to power through it! Nearly 75% of people who menstruate experience painful sex (aka dyspareunia) at least once in their lifetime, so it’s way more common than you think!
What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is the involuntary tightening or spasming of the pelvic floor muscles when attempting to insert something into the vagina. When these pelvic floor muscles go into a hypertonic/overactive state, this can make insertion feel restricted and painful. This can affect everything from pelvic exams to insertion of a tampon or menstrual cup.
Primary or Secondary Vaginismus:
Primary vaginismus occurs when an individual experiences discomfort, tightness, or pain during their very first attempt at vaginal insertion, continuing every single time thereafter. While there is no single, definitive cause, primary vaginismus is often linked to a combination of physical hypersensitivity, anxiety disorders, fear of penetration, or anatomical factors.
Secondary vaginismus happens when someone has previously experienced comfortable, pain-free insertion at some point in their life, but later develops pain due to a shift in physical or psychological factors. Common reasons this seems to occur are: anxiety disorders, prior sexual trauma, hormonal shifts (such as menopause or postpartum), childbirth injuries (such as perineal tearing or episiotomies), pelvic or abdominal surgeries, chronic pelvic floor dysfunction, and fear of sex or vaginal penetration.
So How Can We Treat Vaginismus?
When dealing with pelvic tension, the goal isn't to force things to relax. We will work on down-regulating your nervous system and teaching your muscles how to let go. Here is what you can start doing today:
Diaphragmatic Breathing
Put one hand on your chest and the other above your belly button. Inhale slowly through your nose. Feel your rib cage and belly expand outward against your hand while keeping your chest and shoulders relatively still. Exhale gently through your mouth, while feeling your belly deflate inward. As you get comfortable with this breathing, you can imagine the pelvic floor muscles expanding on the inhale and softening on the exhale. Repeat for 5-10 minutes.
Stretch, Breathe, Release
Try out some yoga poses like child's pose & happy baby while doing diaphragmatic breathing. Imagine your pelvic floor expanding like a blooming flower as you inhale and softly closing as you exhale. Imagine the tension melting away from your body as you relax and breathe into the position.
Vaginismus Starter Pack
Some tools can help desensitize your pelvic tissues such as dilators or kiwi vibrators for starters!
Dilators are tools designed to gently and gradually stretch your pelvic floor muscles. They train your body to adjust to insertion while you practice your relaxation strategies such as diaphragmatic breathing, to reduce pain and tension during entry. Starting Dilators can feel intimidating, but at Nola Pelvic Health, we guide you step-by-step so you feel safe, comfortable, and in control.
Sometimes treating vaginismus can feel clinical and robotic, but with the Kiwi this can change the game! The Kiwi vibrator is a silicone vibrating pelvic massager designed to soothe muscle tension internally and externally. With shallow insertion options and dual motors, it pairs penetration with pleasure instead of pain, bringing the fun back into your routine!
How can NOLA Pelvic Health help?
Living with vaginismus can come with a load of sexual frustration and distrust in your body, but don’t let it stop you from having fun! There are so many different ways to experience pleasure without penetration, so let’s wake that up!
Unfortunately, we are taught that penetration is the most important part of sex, the end goal, when in actuality we should be prioritizing what feels good; not what we think SHOULD feel good. Everyone is different, so explore and find what works best for you!
If you are ready for real relief, you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. Working with a specialized pelvic floor physical therapist changes everything.
At NOLA Pelvic Health we provide:
Accurate assessment of pelvic floor muscle strength & mobility.
Personalized game plan with exercises/tools you can use at home on your own or with a partner.
An experienced, confident physical therapist on your team who wants nothing but the best for you!
Everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life! Book an evaluation to start your healing journey today!